Racing Cyclocross

No one in the picture, 2012

I have been fortunate enough to be able to spend this summer back on the bike, getting in some really great rides and regaining fitness after a year of medical issues. I have been asked more than a few times if I have any interest in going back to cyclocross racing.

Nope.

Watching the muddy races in Niel this morning was just one more reminder of why.

Never mind the fact that I sold off all my cyclocross gear following my wreck at the last race I took part in, 30 seconds of the January 2018 USA Cycling Masters National Championship. I still keenly recall the amount of work that goes into this discipline, especially when conditions are at their worst. I loved racing in the wet and mud but I simply do not have the energy for it any longer. I am not referring to the training that it takes to be competitive in cyclocross. I am referring to everything else.

The days before the race going over both of your bikes to make sure any mechanical issues that occurred the previous weekend are resolved. Spending a few days scrambling to get them resolved before the next weekend.

The day before the race getting both bikes and spare wheels prepped for the race. Packing all the gear that will be needed for the next day. Warm up clothes, race clothes, cool down clothes, shoes (check the cleats), spare shoes (check those too), bottles (pre-hydration, race hydration, post hydration), tools, trainer, bike cleaning brushes and bucket. Jeez...so much stuff. Maybe pack all that stuff in the car so you won't have to bother the next morning.

Pack all that stuff in the car if you did not have the energy to do it the previous evening.

Drive to the race venue. Always at least 90 minutes away. Pre-hydrate.

Register for the race. Unless you pre-registered so you could get the pre-registration discount.

Take a quick look at the course conditions to decide which tire tread to use for warm up laps.

Dress in your warm up clothes, get both your bikes put together. Decide which of your two bikes you are going to trash during the warm up laps.

Warm up laps. Test course lines. Test tire treads. Test tire pressure. Try not to damage your bike too much so it will be available for use in the race if need be which it will be if the course is already trashing your bike during warm up laps.

Clean (and repair?) your warm up bike so it's ready for use in the race. Try not to panic as the minutes slip by and your pre-race schedule is starting to fall apart.

Get out the trainer and warm up some more. Try not to panic about feeling like crap during the warm up.

Hydrate.

Pin your race number to your skinsuit if you have not done so already.

Finish warm up and put on your final race clothes. Get second bike to the pit. Ride to the start.

Second guess all of your decisions and choices...from your entire life.

Race your race and try to make equipment decisions based upon what will deliver the best race result and not what will make for the easiest clean up and repair after the race.

Following the race change into your cool down clothes, put the most functional of your two trashed bikes on the trainer and cool down. Focus on the good things in life.

Go to the podium and collect your bag of apples, which you are excited about because you can actually do something with them (apple pie).

Pack up all your trashed equipment into the car trying not to trash your car interior.

Re-hydrate. Eat the banana you brought for post race recovery. Embrace your healthy lifestyle.

Stop at the gas station to fill up the car and buy a coke, cool ranch Doritos and a king size Milky War bar because you deserve it.

Drive home. Now 2 hours minimum for some reason.

Try to convince yourself that all this trashed gear can wait until tomorrow for clean up but you know that it will be even more work to clean up all this stuff once the mud dries. So, with your legs and back and shoulders screeching at you, unpack all your gear and methodically clean it all up so you can spend tomorrow actually identifying what needs to be repaired or replaced.

Get stain remover on all your warm up and race clothes and get them into the washing machine because if you wait the mud stains will never ever ever come out and you will be wearing those stains on the start line for the rest of the season (not #pro).

Take a shower. Cry if necessary. It will make you feel better, I promise.

Greet your family who are all waiting for you to stop fucking around and make dinner.

Like I said, I simply do not have the energy for this, much less the training, and I can't afford to pay someone to do all this work for me.

And to what end anyway? To go race 30 seconds of the USA Cycling Masters National Championships? I already did that.

I need to save my energy to make dinner.